Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
