im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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