Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize