I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
