i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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