you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
