don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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