hotel room ftw
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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