im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
