there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
