i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
porn star boner night. come get it.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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