wrigley field is MILF paradise
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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