Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
