Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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