Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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