there's paper in my vomit.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
