if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize