Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
