3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Randomize
