what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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