There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
