But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
