Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
