do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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