worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
