And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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