my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
