My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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