would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
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