highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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