It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
