Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I don't deserve a penis
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
