My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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