And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
