the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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