toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
