I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
