The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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