i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
