non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
