Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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