Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
