So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We need to rekindle our bromance
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I need to calm my uterus...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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