She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
