you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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