The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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