Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
cat food counts as protein by the way
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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