I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
