Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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