There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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