Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
