i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
It's Friday. Sex?
I think my fart just growled at me.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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