My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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