I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
