Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
