Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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