hell yes lets make some ravioli
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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