My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
i out mim tonsoeep
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