he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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