I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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