I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
