dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
