you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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