The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
