why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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