i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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