I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
