So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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