Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Someone shattered a urinal.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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