I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize