I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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