dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
