woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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