She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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