I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
