you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize