Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
