sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Randomize
