he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
