i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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