So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
