What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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