A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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