she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
