Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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