i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
