I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
