Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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