We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
