i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
