Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
they're like a gay fantastic four
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
