Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
