elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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