Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm sobbing to NWA
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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