An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
