The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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