I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
