uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
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