Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
