Sacagawea was the original milf.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
