life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
